Read the writing on the wall...

Flash floods....destruction....and the ineptness of disaster management by the civic authorities makes for tragic consequences. Pilgrim sites are always vulnerable areas with the overload of visitors which as a result become potential venues of tragedy when natural calamities occur. However India never learns  it's lesson. The political tug of wars which always arise  dissipates any possibilities of change or  implementation of new policies becoming a reality. Across party lines politicians  will always seek to stall any and all attempts at better governance,  because the bottom line is that no one ever keeps the welfare of the nation as the real focus when becoming  elected representatives in government posts. We as citizens are left with numerous "battle grounds"  that have no victory to record as all issues are played out to the tunes of vote bank politics. No stand is ever taken because to do so would require guts to perhaps be viewed as unpopular within some sections of an electoral base; which of course no "wise politician" will ever contemplate. 

Death in an over populated country has no meaning. We think of all situations of chaos as part of the great Indian traditions of Karma and Kismet; and so another day begins with no conscience of the wilful wrongs we contribute towards as we absolve ourselves with tokenism rhetoric. 

I wish that incognito visits across the country by influential power brokers within the central and state  governments would become part of the mandate of governance. Why are migrant labour forces compelled to live on pavements? Why is sanitation still an unattended issue in India? Would any public toilet be considered user friendly and hygienic by a politician? Are the constitutional norms for education truly the birthright of all in reality? Why are roads  never well laid? Why is town and urban planning so shoddy? Why is corruption so obviously rampant and yet never addressed ? The list of "Whys" are long, but the issue here is really to point out that accountability seems to slip through every ones fingers conveniently.  Finally there is always the protection of the power brokers amongst themselves that will cover up the wrong doings as well as  manipulate all systems to exonerate themselves. I think the recent BCCI and IPL cricket tamasha  clearly showed how the powerful protect themselves because the code is never to "snitch" on the sacred brotherhood of power ever!

Today the BJP divisions are a paradox of their own mismanagement. When the Gujarat riots occurred the courage to book the leadership under whom the atrocities towards a minority community occurred never happened. Instead L.K Advani lauded praise on his colleague. Today this same colleague has displaced him, as Advani attempts to caution his party from following this same leadership he once stood up for. If you can figure the logic of this, good for you; because for me I am truly stumped by it all. It is so ludicrous that the polity of India is so two faced in all that it does and still believes it can face the nation and ask for its trust through an election mandate.

Yes I'm naive. I want a better India. From every aspect....I want a functioning political system that understands the responsibility of nation building through wise and effective governance. I want a visually beautiful India that blends it's history with it's contemporaneity from an understanding of ecological and social accuracy. Where democratic  methods of planning habitation affords dignity and up-liftment where genuinely required. I want traffic rules to quell the chaos of city life and development to be where financial accountability is transparent. I want gender equality to represent itself not in tokenism but in programs that can punish offenders to crimes such as female infanticide and acid attacks and dowry deaths. I want the farmer to know that his or her plight of a failed crop will not be ignored and that subsidiaries and waivers of loans can be offered to them rather than suicide becoming their only option.

Let us clean up the debris that is strewn around us both literally as well as metaphorically. I remember my friend Pablo giving me a T. Shirt with the Indian flag on it,  many years ago,  just before I boarded a plane to go abroad. I loved wearing it and then later my son Mithun sort of inherited it,  and wore it till it was tread bare. We all hold a national pride and want to flaunt it. But for heavens sakes we need to have things to feel proud about. The way India is sweeping its faults under the carpet is only indicative of the rot of apathy that has set in. How about some proud Indians demanding that wrongs can be righted.....how about our political service working for us....

A sad ending .....

When I first saw images of Jiah Khan a few years ago I thought to myself that there was a palpable desperation that came through the "posed" boldness of this young girl. I felt instinctively that she was laying herself vulnerable by her extreme need to "succeed" in the flashy world of Bollywood. I thought nothing more of it till the tragic news of her death was plastered all over the TV channels, making it into a reality show for their TRP ratings. It isn't really about love stories going wrong that brings these tragic spaces of defeat into the mental landscapes of the younger generation (the suicides of many young women who were known faces in the recent past is already recorded),  but much more the craving to be a celebrity at all costs. When that alludes them then the inner rage of discontent swells, and if not checked, spills over to consume all rationality and sensibility. 

Fame is undoubtedly a heady space of existence. However the road of sustained achievements is what can lead to fame. It has no short cuts and comes from the quiet insistence of personal excellence that others take note of. But what I have observed is that the youth of today often believe that high visibility alone leads to fame.   They then instill within their own minds a make-believe  celebrity status where being noticed becomes the feel good factor, the high that opiates instead of better sense prevailing of old school norms that teach you that there is no substitute for hard work. In today's world of easy-come easy-go,  the dispensability of people has equally become part of the throw away life-style we have adopted as "avid consumers" of life's goodies, and so these impressionable young people don't foresee this cruel reality;  and in many instances fall prey to deep frustrations of "assumed" failure. So my question then is where does it leave for the protection of their vulnerability in this fast paced circuit that feels its self-worthiness lies in the flash-bulb moment and the page 3 photo opportunity?

Creating ones self worthiness comes from the delicate balance of loving oneself and also having the courage to be self critical. People need to take a reality check when they begin to feel victimised by the world. The blame game is often a convenient one. However a worthy life is a holistic one that mediates peace within ones self  by understanding  that the universe is truly vast.  Our existence becomes meaningful only when we live life with responsibility that celebrates life instead of searching for reasons to drown ourselves. We therefore need to  learn to love and protect what keeps us grounded, and to encase ourselves within a world that holds dreams that are achievable.   The tragic consequences of manic anger can be potent.  Suicide is often a romanticised space by those who crave attention. I have experienced a friend committing suicide. His act was one of defiance. To teach others a lesson. Of course no such purpose ever gets served.

We don't know the story of Jiah Khan. However what is a time tested truth is that the simple pulse of life, if maintained,  holds more to offer than the jarring violence of destruction.  Everyone wants to be loved and understood. But violence and recrimination is a dangerous venting that never justifies itself. 

The voice of reason....

The oral histories of women fascinate me. Women share their lives in ways that are unique because of their willingness to offer insights into their personal worlds that hold both the areas of difficulties as well as those moments of triumph, and they do so with no undue self-consciousness or inhibitions. The struggle of women who resist the straight jackets of conformity are always stories that are the most inspirational; holding anecdotes and parables that have the resonance of strength and courage for all to see.

Amongst my favourites is Maya Angelou an American author and poet who has published seven autobiographies that share her life with an amazingly rich candour. Reading these stories are motivational. They take us through our own labyrinth of life experiences and coax us to ask more pertinent questions, ones that we may sometimes perhaps avoid because of our discomfort to confront what we consider to be difficult. Oral narrative forms are imperative to social histories and hold subtexts that are invaluable and often complex. 

Asian women in particular fascinate me with the extreme worlds that we juggle. In situations of economic difficulties the professional and the domestic space are often so finely meshed together within that clock of 24 hours. And it is done so effortlessly that often the sacrifice and endeavor can sometimes be missed by those who may have perhaps benefitted the most from these tightrope acrobatics of survival. 

My world was thrown open at an early age to the wisdom of learning that came in many instances from the oral lessons of elders. I am drawn to listening to interviews and as a student in England understood my fathers love of the radio. The sound of a voice that rings sharply with the experiences of personal truths is a blanket worth wrapping oneself in. Listening to Nelson Mandela and more recently Aung San Suu kyi in televised interviews speaking so simply yet with such eloquence of their respective journeys to discover political liberation, and as a consequence, personal  liberation too. 

Even today when I open books of Indian miniatures, where visuals that hold my heart are looked at frequently, I hear the voices of Mildred Archer and B.N Goswami come back to me,  as I relive those times one has sat in rapt attention listening to lectures and conversations that gave shape to a world of my personal belonging. Perhaps my most precious memories are those few occasions when I visited my mothers ancestral home as a child, and fell asleep to the sound of the voices of the women sharing stories of their lives together. I never imagined how much I would hold that memory as a personal space of history, to insist  from myself a life that must hold meaning. 

I was gifted a book titled The Cat and the Tao. I love the visuals and didn't pay much attention to the proverbs, till recently. On reading them, this one in particular struck me with its simple relevance:

To know what is going on takes sense;

To know what to do about it takes wisdom.

I'm in a complaining mood...

The Indian modern household is still waging its wars in trying to cope with home management and careers, children, relationships, ageing parents and a burgeoning life style that economic upward mobility entices one towards. Unlike the West we have not got many of the basic amenities in place that offer an easier methodology to make this  balancing act of all these factors less exhaustive. 

My list of complaints is founded on my own experiences where time and effort have often been more than required to get through a day. Let me start off by pointing out that in most Indian hospitals there is this absurd expectancy that one member of a family has to be with the patient at all times 24 X 7. This is even when as patient is in the intensive care unit! As a care giver to my mother this has often led me to being sleep deprived where it is personally dangerous to my own well being. Ok....then the logical answer would be to get professional nursing aid to do this duty. Well be my guest and try to get competent professionals! On employing professional care givers I have conducted spot checks on them only to find  nurses hired for night duty in the recovery unit of the ICU, fast asleep with the blanket over their heads, oblivious to the patients safety or needs! 

Car pool systems for school going kids and agencies for educated babysitters, volunteer groups who can socialise with the ageing, services of plumbing, electrification and carpentry as phone-in facilities, maid procurement agencies that are efficient and reliable, part time drivers, laundries and dry cleaning services that are hygienic and efficient and standardised; cleaning agencies for home and office purposes, professional shoppers.... the list is LONG....  are all yet to make their entry in a structured and organised manner in India.  We need such help and facilities desperately, and with the joint family system not being the norm any longer, alternative structures of help need to be available especially when families have responsibilities that span both the domestic and the professional.

The concept of something like a delicatessen hasn't found its mark in India. To just hop in and get a varied menu for an impromptu dinner that you can jazz up with a few home additions to is inconceivable. The Indian super market culture is also terribly bizarre. You are held at ransom to buy brands that they promote instead of being offered a wide range of products which would enable a client to have their personal choice catered to. Agencies like Croma for example,  are lousy places to shop at because product quality is seriously compromised due to their lack of understanding the concept of multi-brand selling; and after sales services from such outlets is wishful thinking and if at all provided, then shabby at best. 

India needs to fix its unorganised  labour problems urgently. Migrant labourers standing on the curbs of side walks each morning waiting for majduri is a strange sight to see. Contractors haggle with them and as they are migrant labourers whose wage rights and issues of housing are no bodies concern, they are exploited.  They have insecure livelihoods and yet we all use them when we need to unashamedly.  

I want the simple convenience of getting value for my money in India. From door frames to windows to assemble-able homes....the hardware and home-stores in North America and many other western countries are treasure troves for. Here in India I get all excited if I see a new styled mop in a shop! Pet stores and animal amenities are common place abroad yet in India we have to search to find one that is well stocked in the products and companies that you need.  I am constantly anxious each time Begum's food stock starts dwindling. Then its panic mode time as we start waiting weeks for a simple order of cat food to make its appearance.

Dust and dirt are another factor of Indian life I want eradicated like polio and small pox! Side-walks are only what I see in foreign films, and I drive around Baroda feeling like Pig-pen a character from Charles Shultz's comic cartoon strip "Peanuts" who is always shown in a cloud of dust!  Another observation I have made is that technology serves only those of us who have made it a point to comprehend and use it appropriately. However there are many in India who are ill equipped and are at a huge disadvantage as a result.  The on line systems are often  nightmarish situations when we have to use them for things like visa or passport renewals. 

All in all I do wish we could logically look at the missing factors that progress and development may have caused,  and fill in those gaps. I often feel frustrated that the obvious is just not being addressed. Perhaps we need to have management institutes make projects that address effective ways of making modern India  have functioning services  that meet the demands of today. Till then it is going to continue to be exhaustive and draining to live amidst progress that has one hand tied behind its back!

Let women decide their own futures.....

I am tired of a compromised liberal space where women and marriage are seen as synonymous. I am tired of the same old story of conservatism about marriage being camouflaged as concerned parenting that propagates the typical as the norm.  I am tired of parents wanting their female children to address the issue of marriage even before their post graduate certificates are inked and stamped. I am tired of hearing retrogressive arguments about how young women only realise their sense of completion by being wives, and of course therefore in the logical progression of this sequence, fulfilling their destinies as mothers. I am tired of the voice of patriarchy attempting to undermine the voice of the girl child on issues of equality and equal opportunities. I am tired of emotional blackmail and coercion from parents to "persuade" young women to toe the line and fit into the mould of predetermined futures laid out by elders. I am tired of repairing the damage that these suffocating  spaces of insistence create,  where guilt and desperation slowly weigh heavy on the formative minds of children, and where I have to spend hours erasing the hurt that such conformity creates in their lives.  I am tired of the hypocrisy of those parents who educate their female children but do little to encourage them to focus on a career as an essential priority . Perhaps above all I am  most tired of seeing the light dim in the eyes of these young women who are all achievers, desperate to be allowed to grapple with life on their own terms and who seek to find the joy of defining their uniqueness from this challenge,  unfettered by the manipulation of conservative mindsets. 

Marriage....marriage....marriage.....This word seems imprinted onto the brains of most Indian parents, especially for their female off-springs. The arranged marriage orchestrated by parents or other family members, when opposed by the child concerned, is viewed as rebellion. Resistance on the issue of marriage is combated by the elders by making it a topic of conversation at all times privately and publicly despite the discomfort of the child, and which becomes akin to mental torture and harassment as far as I am concerned. This harassment  is offensive to my ideals of freedom because it is demeaning to the fundamental principles of free thinking in which people ( both men & women equally) should be able to make choices about their lives  for themselves, and need not have to wage wars with their families to live an independent life for themselves. The idea that a woman may desire to choose her partner, male or female; or to have a live in relationship, or to stay single,  is completely her choice alone and must remain so without the melodramas of family interference.

When obliged to fight with their families to uphold these basic rights of personal choice and self governance,  family ties often become strained as these children look else where to be nurtured and guided. None of them in my experience have ever shirk the disciplines of hard work nor desired freebees. What they look for is to be respected and taken seriously within their chosen field. The sense of duty that asian children have towards their families should not be abused by parents in ways that go against the norms of  decency and human rights.  I am always deeply saddened that Indian parents think it is perfectly alright to discuss their "anxieties" about the marriage issues of their female children with these children's  teachers, instead of desiring to speak about their work, their academic achievements or their future as artists. But no....to the alter we women must all gallop before our shelf life expires. 

I have intervened in many of my own friends lives when pushy parents were pressing the marriage button in panic as their off springs were not "hooked-up" to wedded bliss. One of my girl friends living in the US in desperation gave her number to an Indian taxi driver (who was on the look out for a green card wife ) in whose cab she was traveling in,  who couldn't speak English (!) and who was uneducated beyond the 9th grade (!!), and merely because the daily droning of her mothers marriage lectures had caused a melt down. Another friend more recently was ready to walk down the aisle with a guy who was clearly dubious in character and absolutely incompatible with her in every possible aspect. When I reasoned with her it became apparent to me that the pressures of a mother who wanted her married at all cost had clouded her better judgement because the topic was wearing her down mentally. She allowed for intervention to guide her back on track. However  a large percentage of women succumb to the wearing down that finally gnaws at their self respect and humiliates them into acceptance.

Leave women alone please. Let us live without interference with our freedom that amounts to mental torture and criminal harassment.  We have skewered the ratio of our female population by aborting female fetuses for decades in our national craze to bear only male progenies. It is a blatant disregard to the issues of  life and liberty that our constitution is supposed to uphold, but few are reprimanded and no legal action is taken for those thousands of female babies whose lives were stilled knowingly before their eyes could even open.

Enough is enough.....I am tired of the farce of pseudo-liberal posturing by parents whose conservatism should be questioned and not swept under the carpet. Let us address the dignity of all women appropriately. Pro-choice and self-governance is the bedrock of all feminist empowerment and no one can undermine these basic and fundamental factors of our freedom. So be forewarned as my patience has clearly worn down. I have no political correctness I wish to muster in situations of social engagement when I am faced with retrogressive parenting. I just call a spade a spade and brook no long drawn out explanations about the whys and hows of the relevance of the institution of marriage being necessary  for  women. So walk along buddies because I'm through with this debate forever! It's old and boring and redundant .....and I'm indignant and outraged that we are going on like broken records about women = marriage. Enough is enough....move on please!

  

Breathe Easy: Easier said than done when drowning in Boredom!!

Two days ago, on the 8th of April many people in Baroda gathered at Sayajirao Gruh to attend a lecture by a well known Indian architect who resides in the city. Presented by Blue Star (whose catch phrase is Breathe Easy!) and convened by IIID as the beginning of a Masters lecture Series program, the lecture was titled  "Building Compassion-Humanity, Reciprocity and the pursuit of a Sustainable Society" .  The citizens of Baroda always turn out with great loyalty for events that are generated in the city but perhaps this courtesy is being taken slightly for granted. The time taken out to attend an event by an audience is always with the hope that a presentation will be well researched and certainly something that goes beyond a self-serving PR exercise of self-promotion and self-adulation. Personally I have no problem with anyones pride of their achievements as long as it is contained to the intimacy of sharing it within a personal space of engagement. But when it turns into megalomania that gets thrust down peoples throats in a public forum  then it is highly questionable as to what the ethics of intention really are; and will most certainly receive critical  reactions and responses as this lecture has. 

We were subjected to enormous photographs of the individual from countless magazine articles and Xeroxed letters to endorse his importance and government connections,  all projected on a screen that ran some 45 feet in length. This coupled with a string of random photographs (not of any great specific relevance) but of a touristy nature,  became the "visual information" of the evening. Besides this we were "treated to" the advertisement of Blue Star (!) incorporated into the lecture,  and where the speaker wanted us to be convinced (!!) that a company manufacturing air-conditioners held an environmental conscience!!! I'm an optimist not an idiot please...and therefore the naivety of all this back scratching became far too obvious for any of us to be "compassionate" about!

Did I mention all the trophies given to each other....all aglow quite literally, and metaphorically too?! At one point in the evening I just lost control and burst out into a hysterical fit of giggling quite unbecoming of a 54 year old woman who should certainly know better than to have a melt down of patience. But the absurdity of seeing well respected professionals make such utter fools of themselves was something truly tragically comic.

The contents of this "profound"  lecture was like a mediocre motivational speech; the kind that you come across when you channel surf in the early hours of the morning when more sensible people actually sleep! The out come : a squirming audience who were left trying to hold on to their etiquette and not flee in sheer boredom at this self promotional exercise. 

What a shame and a sham.....and a sheer waste of time. 

No place for defeat...

A young friend half jestingly threw a rhetoric question at me the other day enquiring how I could remain a propounder of optimism knowing what reality really offers....

.........my repartee was (smilingly), a suggestion to be involved with nurturing young people.

Cliched as this may sound it actually is sound advice. Our problem as we grow older is that we feel unable to "meet up with reality" in ways that would oblige us to define our personal politics; and to then acquire the courage to get beaten down from time to time and still be determined to address life uncompromisingly. 

Will you accuse me of spouting another cliche?

Well it depends on whether you are willing to look at life as a journey of learning, or whether one merely attempts to survive each day by protecting the tiny world of personal existence; because this cross-road poser will actually determine how you receive the ideas of optimism.

There is also a whole load of unlearning required when optimism becomes a factor of significance within ones life. We are normally products of influences that we have casually adopted because they become familiar from repeatedly encountering such attitudes and opinions; and we then do little to deconstruct them to make pertinent enquires for ourselves. We become defeated by our own pessimism to accept an active role in change of any kind; deeming it impossible and the responsibility of others and never oneself. Discontentment and complaints become the easy way out as we march along the cribbing route; passive in our martyrdom and comfortable in the  self righteousness of being the eternal victim.

It was refreshing to listen to Justice Markandey Katju on the program Right to be Heard, telecast on Headlines Today recently, where he spoke at length and with great patience about his views on civil society, politics, the judicial process, and also what he determines as development and progress in India. I listened to him as I painted and found his candour on a variety of subjects to reveal a sharp and analytical mind-space that was structured from encountering realities without flinching. The questions however from most of the audience were so pedestrian and repetitive that they only exemplified his "controversial" remark of 90% Indians being fools as perhaps sadly correct!

We disallow ourselves to define "hope" because critical spaces that disclose and demand accountability from us as civil society get pushed away by us because we never desire to recognise that we belong to the problem. We hold ourselves always in that convenient space of being the victim and thereby remain conveniently unaccountable to partake of the process of reforms and change where possible through our interventions. 

Optimism is that essential belief that change is always attainable via pro-active methods of living. It is like a re-lay race where in connecting ourselves we produce the sequence that delivers a positive result. Where the collective is recognised by us as a social space that obliges us to leave our imprint of relevance and purpose; sometimes quietly and unheralded. Optimism it isn't about the fairytale of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It is actually a commitment to work for all the issues of concern that hold your attention and which you recognise requires a lifetime commitment from you. It is the desire of change that holds optimism afloat. To let go would make the world too dark a place of living.

*Photograph on Robben Island in South Africa