The journey of becoming independent as a young woman is not always as easy as many urban educated privileged child imagine. Western societies wean their fledglings out of the home far too early leading to many behavioural insecurities from this forced independence; and on the other hand the typical Asian parent keeps their children trapped in an over protected monitoring of their lives, that seems rather tragic if not totally bizarre, producing another host of behavioural insecurities as a result of such smothering. The Indian parent appears to be grappling with attempting to be liberal and "westernised" in their approach to the relationships they share with their kids, and yet that very glove camouflages the punch of obsessive control and conservative mindsets that unfortunately derails mature family ties. Parents need to nurture relationships that invite interdependence which is with We all evolve from our teenage years to face the challenges of an adult life. We stand taller from the mistakes we make, and continuously hone the directives that help us define self-accountability, and establish the financial stability essential within an independent space of existence, to create life patters that determine who we are.
Every parent must encourage their daughters to seek their lessons from varied experiences and not behave as though outside influences will steal their innocence away from them. Liberal and unorthodox upbringing offers a wide spectrum of life lessons, making alertness to life more real, and promises as a result, greater self-accountability from a learning that is not cliched and stilted. It is perhaps also through exploring the experiences and stories of other women that we understand better where our paradigm shift needs to really be in what women need to desire for themselves as their spaces of liberty. Such explorations of truth taught me to find meaning and purpose from the choices I was making and made my life fit the philosophies that form my character.
But too often I see the chop and change of decisions randomly made and reversed by young women that are unable to pitch the first peg of their tent and work to set-up that "life structure" of personal existence, so as to find its shape and form and experience and know whether it accommodates them, if at all. Oscillation is like a bad decease.The back and forth of indecisiveness never lets you completely comprehend anything as a full experience, and allows you the escape to cop-out and always be at some "new beginning" with no conclusions to ever round-off any one experience fully. Life must teach you to be brave and to hold sentiments that do not get corrupted by desire alone. It should offer and hold simple goals that make the travel within lifes-journey real and attainable. Energies are as effervescent as you desire them to be, and life is as fulfilled as you craft it for those of us women privileged with education and who are in good health. And yet I continue to encounter young women unable to utilise their life skills to their maximum, who have received great support and generosity and yet who appear always in confusion and crisis from their own lack of initiative to make the best use of what is good within their lives, to walk forward with purpose.
In stark contrast there is the other story…..
The story of the lesser privileged young woman whose bravery to survive is often cut short by tragic circumstance or atrocities that have become an everyday occurrence. Often brutally raped, mutilated and abandoned from either caste and class dominance meted out to them from the violence of oppressors these brave hearts never stop aspiring to make changes that are significant to their personal lives, desiring through this to inspire others to utilise opportunities of will and determination to hold their empowerment against all odds.
Is it that the more privileged young women often squanders the scope and potential of her discovering liberty by remaining mute in the cage of over protected parental vigilance, that then gets exchanged for the super-hero husband who become the next custodian and interpreter of her freedom, because it can also be comfortable to keep such a status quo intact that then allows one to never have to really stand alone? Unfortunately the reality around me shows a percentage of many privileged young urban women not having the gumption to be the architects of their own destiny.
Perhaps it is time to consider to be more alert...
Steer your life with honest direction to a space that holds your truth…
And it will always yield your liberty.
Pretend that you are free by hiding your shackles from yourself….
And you are your own hostage forever.
*Photograph of my teacher Nasreen Mohamedi who taught me lessons of survival, desire, courage and humility, and perhaps most importantly, the lessons to live life with passion on ones own terms, un-compromised by sentimentality, guilt or apprehension.