Not a day passes without the crusade for the up-liftment of women being fought for across the world, and with both men and women lending their voices to this cause of necessity. I was very happy to see the cover of the Femina issue for International Women's Day sporting Aamir Khan as the spokesperson for gender rights and equality. We however need many more men to stand up and speak out against violence towards women and register their outrage at the skewered bias towards male progenies that lead to tragic terminations of female fetuses. In the same issue of Femina (March 16th 2013), I have contributed an article for their guest section looking back, in which amongst other pointers of gender relevance, I high-light the need for men to stand up and be counted on issues of gender equality. Their views on this subject must now be audible if we are to collectively address a nation to find their conscience and acknowledge that violence against women must be dealt with zero tolerance.
For International Women's Day I share this recently published article with you......
Manifesto for Indian Men.*
Crimes against women
are the front-page news each day; the staple diet we feed to the adolescent
boys of our country. In this unhealthy climate of violence against women, why
don’t Indian men who are different from the stereo-typical desi lafangey begin to stand-up to be counted! With the mood of
zero tolerance for sexual harassment and oppressive behavior towards women
resounding through the protests that flooded the streets of India recently, I
thought it appropriate on the occasion of International Women’s Day to examine
some basic norms that define respectful co-existence of the sexes. I would also
urge and encourage men to set the record straight by declaring through
communication and action that there are indeed many men in India with a
gender-sensitive conscience; who are equally appalled to find themselves pigeon
holed and portrayed as thugs and brutes, within this growing scenario of
male-hooliganism that makes national headlines that are both gruesome and
tragic.
The loin-in-your-face
and the hand-up-your-skirt attitude of the caveman variety, with the myth of
chest-thumping he-man aggression as the calling card of male virility is
totally off-putting for women today. The crude innuendos of popular Indian
films, which characterize stalking and harassment as the modules of courtship,
obviously have inept research teams with no clue on what women really find
appealing. So if sex-in-your-face macho-ism isn’t the trump card to play, then
what is it that does impress women genuinely?
The funny thing is
that the answer is very simple. There are no tricks involved to determine
dignity and honesty within relationships between the two sexes; and men only
have to reflect upon one of the age old precincts of common sense wisdom, which
is to respect another as you would yourself. It is in the small gestures of
consideration that we humanize our engagement with people, and determine the
value of intentions by our corresponding actions. We need to make this the
credo for all human behavior if we are to evidence significant change in
society.
Authoritative despotic
men who revel in power tactics that intimidate are intolerable caricatures of
playground bullies. Women despise the display of strong-arm posturing,
preferring instead men who can negotiate co-existence through insightful
compassion. Life is not black and white but holds nuanced spaces that require
collective endeavors to be deciphered. Honesty and vulnerability are valued
instead of action-man bravado and mob mentality.
The division of the
sexes is a conservative mindset that needs to be abandoned in 21st
century India. Men who parade sexist attitudes need to sit in the dunce’s
corner. The new school of thought insists on demolishing gender hierarchies.
Women seek equal status as the logical platform in male-female associations,
and cringe at the notion of adopting the bhai
prefix to male friendships as a means of “inviting” protection. This Indian
tendency of attributing purity to women via concocted sibling status, as a method
of desexualizing and attributing “virginal” respectability, is demeaning to the
ideals of empowerment and independence of women.
Perhaps Indian men
need to become more comfortable with their sexuality so that it does not burst
in our faces like a flooded dam that finally becomes potentially
dangerous. The lead up to intimacy
must hold finesse and be absent of violence. Subtlety is undoubtedly the most
alluring magic within the arena of sexuality and it has to hold consensual
desire for it to manifest its beauty. So get it right guys because the rules of
the game are finally changing. Rev down your engines and change your gear
because the map of co-existence no longer reads the same today. Amen to that!
* published in Femina march 16, 2013
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