I have a bronchial infection for over six weeks now, and blocked sinus cavities that makes me sound like a motorcycle with no silencer as I splutter and trumpet about the house! Feeling a bit rung out of energy my body became tired and uncooperative to my will; yet my mind however insisted on doing double time with me even in this state of near collapse. It is a strange feeling to be exhausted and physically drained, and yet have the mind relentlessly hyper alert. On the few occasions of surgery I have undergone, where general anesthetic has been administered, I have always experienced regaining consciousness before the surgical procedures are complete. Here too for those few moments (fractional as they maybe) before the sedation is re-administered, my mind is razor sharp and lucid; whilst the body in contrast is completely shut down and unresponsive to my will.
For many years I consciously trained my body to adapt to less sleep; and then of course the instinctive alertness of motherhood takes away "the sleep of the dead" from you forever. What occurs from need becomes habit with time, and so perhaps these are some of the factors that disallow my mind and body to synchronize themselves into compatible rhythms of co-existence.
Like a path in autumn : no sooner is it cleared than it is once again littered with fallen leaves.
Franz Kafka - the zurau aphorisms
Perhaps the tranquility and stillness of my studio acts as the complimentary factor for these energies inside of my head; and the balance of who I am gets held within this strange equation of quiet and tumultuous.
Two tasks of the beginning of life: to keep reducing your circle, and to keep making sure you're not hiding somewhere outside it.
Frank Kafka - the zurau aphorisms