Wednesday, 1 July 2009

Knock-knock, whose there?

Letting go of an unhealthy relationship isn't the easiest thing in life. Though we intellectually comprehend it to be necessary, on so many occasions we still find ourselves holding on with some illogical explanation to comfort ourselves with, as we cling on to old ways because the effort to walk away requires greater courage. Reconsidering isn't a sign of weakness as it calls for inner wisdom to be analytical and self-critical, and thereby not allow emotion to hinder one's better judgement. I have had to acknowledge when situations I considered touch stones of certainty have proven to have out lived their value, and are no longer nurturing the life journey I hold important, and painful as it maybe, trying to repair or alter the unchangeable is in such instances a pointless exercise.

Flexibility is crucial in all friendships. However too many silent compromises often leads people to misread such acts of considerations and sacrifice, and assumptions are made that are inaccurate. Friendships are undeniably complex territories and therefore require great effort from all involved to make them viable spaces of positive engagement. I firmly believe that well determined lines of what is permissible and what is not should be clearly articulated by all parties involved and respected at all times, without exception. From my own experiences I have found that the old saying that opposites attract is in fact an absolute fallacy. Things of importance must be common, and the personal politics that motivates ones deeds must be of value and respected, by those who interact with you.

I have recently walked away from a an old friendship. It had begun to evidence the chasm of difference over the last decade that I ignored because it was always nostalgia for the past, from which this friendship had come, which coaxed me to over look issues that troubled me. And then one day the cracks became too wide to be ignored and it was suddenly far too exhaustive to find the energy to repair these troubled areas once again. I blame only myself for not having the courage to admit that there was more that separated us philosophically than could ever hold us together, and to have realised that memories alone of a shared childhood are not substantial enough to bridge the obvious differences of the intellectual worlds we inhabit as adults.

I am of course saddened by the loss because emotionally I believed we belonged forever in the embrace of that special childhood friendship. But I am equally relieved to be free of the burden of trying to fit into a mould that I began to suspect no longer held my imprint many moons ago. For me the wonderful memories of this long association, of which there are many, hold the spirit of genuine tenderness of youthful struggle and aspirations shared; and I know that in recalling this when I miss my friend as I know I will, can guide me to preserve the essential goodness that this friendship was constructed from, even as we both walk away towards the different directions our lives need us to take today.

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