Some days are difficult days at work. Yesterday was one such day for me in my studio. I had more paint daubs on my body and on the floor than where they needed to be, and my hand felt clumsy and my coordination seemed to have taken a vacation without my consent! This total disarray of order spelt the turmoil of my struggle and I must have looked a pretty sight as I wielded my brush with the zeal of a stubborn novice whilst my brain sent out silent speech bubbles with expletives that would have made a sailor blush! On such a day things that normally are effortless suddenly become challenges that take you into a battle field, and at the end of the day you walk away from it all feeling tired and exhausted, yet perversely satisfied. Strange as it may seem to others, it is these interludes of agonising conflict for artists that become significant encounters of genuine learning.
Contradictory? No not at all. Because these moments of rupture within the composure of ones work are necessary to hold the alertness of intention and which keeps complacency at bay. Situations from the studio that are demanding are a result of the enquiry upon which we formulate our concepts as artists. Many of us work a 7 day week when we are not travelling, and we continuously stretch ourselves to find a visual articulation that holds the power of conviction, and the magic of our aesthetic moorings. The delight of conquering the many demons of doubt, and wrestling with ones own ineptness to resolves and create coherence, is an experience that all artists know the worth of. Today I am back in my studio, and all fired up to grapple with my painting that stares back at me with many questions unanswered. I love the doubts and uncertainty that unsettle my stomach and the knowledge that it will be finally only me that can find the answers and bring it to a conclusion.
Have a great day, because I know I am going to have one !
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